Rant Pants

The future Mrs. Spring Bear and I are to take her cousin out for some fly fishing this evening. I revisited some of my spring cricks hoping for a couple “heat resistant” Panfish. Fortunately, I found a few pools that should grant the young angler his first fly-caught fish. Unfortunately, I was reminded of why I rarely visit a particular section of water after the Sand Bass run and never fish it after July 4th.

The litter bugs come out for “incest fest” and wreck shop on an incredibly intact and productive strech of water.

I know these cousin humpers are still struggling with their ABC’s, but if I could, I’d like to address these folks with some W-O-R-D-S.

1. Learn to drink hard liquor; it’s much easier for me to pick up a plastic McCormick’s bottle than Natty Ice empties.

2. If you must drink malt liquor, switch to cans. I know you are some classy folks, so I recommend Steel Reserve.

3. If you skip the Whataburger dinner, you’ve got more room for alcohol.

4. I know your favorite rapper smokes blunts like everrrerry day, but grape-flavored tobacco and weed have never made a right.

5. Learn to snuff. Ya’ll fill up the crick with anymore cigarette butts, you’re liable to swallow one up.